Cadaver Crave Twenty four kids in Barnstable, Devon kept telling their pareents that there were monsters hiding in their cupboards and mummy and daddy told them to stop being silly. This went on for two months, eventually one parent looked for himself. He opened the cupboard and found a band member from the metal band Cadaver Crave, wearing a monster costume made from bin bags and tea leaves. After a police investigation it transpired that all the band were dressing up as monsters and shitting up the kids. They were tried and convicted, their punishment was to ride bicycles up very steep hills. |
Collusion Six years ago in Warrington, a germ of an idea grew in the back of Mrs Waddlepots allotment. She noticed this idea while she was weeding the cabbages rows. Mrs Waddlepot was dead chuffed as she had never grown an idea before. She was so pleased, she ate several nettle leaves. She named this idea 'Collusion' and set about planting a cutting in everybodies garden. What a happy story. |
Carnifex Place - London The Blackest decree act made many items of fruit and vegatables illegal to insert into your ears and because of this many policemen died within the first few months. To combat the growing threat of anarchy, the band Carnifex played their unique blend of metal to several thousand dolphins.. Within a week, the world became peaceful but there was a shortage of tuna chunks. |
Carpathia A few years ago, a race of evil blue aliens who look exactly like Lee Evans came to Coventry with the express purpose of converting the inhabitants of this town into robotic drones (or something, look, i'm fucking making this crap up as I go along, give me some slack) er anyway. In order for these drones to recognise each other they changed their names to Tom. If you spot anyone in Coventry named Tom it is your duty to kill him before he drains your brain and takes you over. Thank you for reading. |
Carrion of Vigrid South Wales has many strange laws. One such strange law says that it is illegal to form a blackened melodic metal band and the punishment for this heinous crime is to have ninty four blackberries inserted into your anus. Carrion of Vigrd are from south wales and are presently in hiding. If you see any members of this foursome, please inform the local police. Thank
you. |
Cerebral Autopsy Boltons very own dirty metal band collect lumbar vertabrae, right atriums and old stamps. The vocalist, Scott *Corpse molester* recently bought a penny black from a collecter who lived in Oldham. The collecter was so happy because he over charged Scott. That emotion soon changed when Scott came back and extracted his spine. |
Cerebral Mastication Mr Lloyd likes to remove his bone-saw from his tool box, don his coat of wet meat and venture into town, looking for any recently deceased. He got into trouble last week by selling intestinal chunks and gobbets of raw liver to school children two weeks ago. It was Darren Wilson, aged 17, who grassed him to the police. Darren Wilsons, aged 17 is now at the bottom of somebody's freezer. |
Web Presence |
Chemical Vomit Way back in 2003, Birmingham was introduced to a totally new sound. In was the sound of happy bunnies and fluffy squirrels frollocking about and sun drenched fields of sunshine dust. the band called themselves Pretty people and became international superstars. Their gigs were packed and everybody enjoyed themselves. Meanwhile... They
changed their name to Chemical Vomit and preceded to consume their
old fans. |
Crepitation Eight Blood-River ninjas planted tiny homing beacons behind the eyeballs of these guys because we couldn't find out where they lived. The required information came back last
week and I can exclusively reveal to you here and now that they all
reside in the UK. |
Cruel Humanity This Derby band was once interviewed by Terry Wogan back in 1953. The last question Mr Wogan asked was 'Where did the name come from' He
received four different replies. |
Cyclopia I have in my hands a stolen lyric sheet. It is the next song from this Crewe band. My baby spy seals got it for me. Yes, Blood-river does have five baby seals which we use as spies, they were rescued from the Canadian tundra earlier this year just before the clubbing was in full swing. I do show them a baseball bat every so often and as a consequence they give us complete loyalty and I know the information they pass is accuarate. This is the lyrics to their next song. Oh
satan, satan, satan. Why can I not beat you at dominos oh satan.
|
