Darker Shores The Japanese clog dancing trio, Fluffy Pillow, were attracting far too much attention from the Yakuza with their unusual dancing style and biting the heads off a duck at every gig. In order to stay alive, they decided to learn English, change their names, band and face and move to north London. They became Darker Shores During the second world war, a group of Japanese spies parachuted into London, They landed in a north London rooftop garden. Just as Darker Shores were practicing their latest song, Darker than Death. The Japs were disguised as ducks, they didn't stand as fucking chance. Some habits are hard to break..
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Days under Fire The Northampton band who say they are influenced by the likes of Lamb of God and At the Gates all share a terrible secret. As I'm in a rather fould mood I'm going to tell you. They all eat sprouts at Christmas. There. It's out now. We all remember when the government finally banned these foul green globes of solidified vomit and how the planet cheered. It's amazing why some people still eat them.
DON'T YOU KNOW THEY ARE EVIL?
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Dawn of Chaos This band from the town of the well hung monkey like to play live and all enjoy eating royal gala apples. While they may play drutal tight old school death metal, the boys like nothing better than to finish the night with a good Mills and Boon and a cup of ovaltine. |
Dead Sea Scrolls The only thing baby fruit bats will listen to in High Wycombe is this band. Many experts have been called in to try to understand this phenonamon but the expert ended up listening to them as well. Many more experts were called in to try to understand why the first lot of experts were litening to this band but they just bought a burger and went home. |
Death in Blood There are only two things this band from Sunderland live for. Playing metalcore/thrash in eastern European castles and eating puppies. In 1972, they played in an old castle somewhere in Poland and after the show, they were served fried poodle puppy hind leg dipped in sweet chilli sauce and because of this they played an extra four songs and then set fire to their eyebrows. Class. You don't get more metal than this. |
Defyled This Preston based metal band have a great secret but they don't want to talk about it. At all. No way. Oh ok, they need a new bass player, get in touch with them if you have one hiding under the fridge.
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Deitus Deitus, formally known as Dark Omen, formally known as Granny's Evil Handbag, formally known as Bucks Fizz hail from the Chinese city of York. When these lads are not being the dirtiest, nastiest, loudest black metal band in york they like to relax by drinking dog shampoo mixed with unleaded petrol. If you see these lads playing remember to throw them a pair of yellow boxer shorts, they'll know what it means. RABBITS! fucking hundreds of them! |
Desecrated The Bromsgrove flower arranging society had the shock of their lives last night. They had booked a band called Design Greats, a Val Doonican tribute band (Google his name all you tots under the age of 18 if you don't know him) Instead a new metal band called Desecrated showed up at their tea-rooms by accident. But after a few songs the flower arrangers even started to like their music. Edith Ecclescake aged 64, even got off with the drummer after getting him drunk on homemade plum brandy. |
Devourer In the last three years, over thiry four indie bands have mysteriously vanished. They haven't disbanded or moved town, they have been eaten and their body parts fashioned into musical intruments and sold on Ebay. The
People responsible for this rather amusing act are
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Dilacerate On the outer edge of our galaxy, there is an isolated star system. A single planet orbits the star and for reasons convenient to the story,sentient life evolved on this world. Somehow these aliens looked exactly like Bass Guitars, what are the chances of that happening? This has got fuck all to do with the band, I just thought I'd mention it. |
Dysmorphia This band from Poole in Dorset have come a long way from their humble beginings. They started off as tealadies working for a big multinational hangbag making company. Their love of metal brought them together and they realised for the first time that being a tealady was not the be all and end all of life. They constructed a time machine using old tea bags and the insides of a mechanical teapot and sent the company into the jurassic age. Eight seconds later, Dysmorphia was born |
